The False Reward of Self-Improvement: Why You Feel Stuck

"I’ve read self-help books and spoken to therapists. I signed up for a gym and believe I have a growth mindset because I am always learning, whether it's new recipes on YouTube or life hacks on Instagram. But nothing’s really changed. Did I just waste my time and money?"

The answer isn’t as straightforward as a yes or no. You have done something. You’ve taken the first step, the inquiry, the research, the moment of intention. And that’s where the dopamine kicks in.

The Dopamine of Information

Dopamine isn’t just about pleasure; it’s about anticipation of reward. It’s why we feel a small rush when we browse gym memberships, explore therapy options, or watch productivity videos. Our brains reward us just for seeking out the possibility of change. It feels like we’re progressing.

But here’s the catch: this satisfaction can be deceptive. The feeling of progress can replace actual progress. We research, we ask for options, we even pay for memberships or book consultations, but then life happens. The excitement fades, and we find ourselves right where we started, just a little more informed.

The Illusion of Action

This phenomenon is called the intent-action gap. Studies show that when we publicly express our intent to change, whether through conversations or social media, our brain registers it as if we’ve already taken real action. This explains why signing up for a gym feels productive, even if we never go, or why talking to a life coach feels like movement, even if we don’t implement the insights shared.

It’s not that we lack motivation. It’s that our brain has already rewarded us for the idea of change, making follow-through feel less urgent.

So, Did You Waste Your Time and Money?

Not necessarily. But you might have stopped at the first dopamine hit. Change happens in small, committed actions, not just in information gathering. The question to ask yourself is: What did I actually do with the information I sought out?

• If you spoke to a therapist, did you try implementing what was discussed?

• If you signed up for a gym, did you set a non-negotiable routine to go?

• If you watched a self-improvement video, did you take even one tangible step based on what you learned?

The Shift: From Inquiry to Implementation

At InsideOut Well, we see this all the time. People inquire about coaching or counselling, feel relief from just exploring their options, and then disappear. Not because they don’t care, but because their brain has already felt the reward of taking action without actually taking it.

Recognise that this is where most people fail. But you have the chance to break the cycle. If you want real change, you need to interrupt the pattern. Instead of just thinking about action, you must force action before your brain settles into comfort again. Make the next step so small and so immediate that you have no excuse not to do it.

Right now, decide on one action. Not tomorrow, not next week. Now.

• Want to get fit? Drop and do five push-ups. Right now.

• Need therapy? Book the session before you finish this article.

• Want to be more mindful? Set a one-minute timer and breathe deeply, starting now.

  
  

Motion beats intention. Your brain will resist, making excuses about why it’s not the right time. Ignore it. Take one uncomfortable but real step, and then commit to the next.

The difference between those who change and those who don’t isn’t knowledge. It’s the willingness to push past the illusion of progress and take real, imperfect action.

So, what are you doing right now?