The Hidden Cost of Insecure Leadership: When the Problem Isn’t the Team

Some leadership styles don’t break teams overnight. They erode them slowly.

Unsplash: Dan Meyers

The tone is always “supportive.”

The structure is always “formal.”

The problem is never “the leader.”

Until people start leaving. Or burning out. Or disengaging quietly while the organisation talks about “team culture” and “alignment.”

Here’s the truth:

Sometimes the problem isn’t the team. It’s the leader.

And more often than not, that leader isn’t toxic or tyrannical. No. They’re insecure.

Top 5 Telltale Signs It’s the Leader

1. High performers keep leaving and no one talks about why.

They’re thanked politely, farewelled with lunches, and their exit interviews are “internal HR matters.” But the pattern is clear: the most capable don’t stay. And those who do stay, shrink.

2. Every decision runs through one person who’s always ‘too busy’.

It looks like oversight. It’s actually control. Delegation is performative and everything circles back to them. They call it quality assurance. What it really is: bottlenecking disguised as standards.

3. ‘Just looping in’ is really about staying central.

Insecure leaders mask their need for control with friendliness. Constant check-ins. Passive phrasing. Always “staying close.” But their presence doesn’t empower. Instead, it flattens. Initiative dies in the loop.

4. Feedback is collected… then quietly ignored.

Surveys are sent out. Listening sessions are held. One-on-one chats. Even the occasional nudge to “seek mental health support” because the problem is framed as the staff’s health issues or poor resilience, not the leader’s behaviour.

On the surface, it looks like care. But nothing truly changes.

The structure remains untouched.

The power dynamics stay intact.

And the underlying message is clear: We’ll listen, but we won’t look inward.

Because real feedback would require real accountability.

And insecure leaders don’t surrender control. They redirect blame.

5. The team walks on eggshells. But no one names it.

Meetings feel tense. Messaging is overly cautious. Everyone knows something’s off but no one dares say it. Why? It's often because the leader talks about harmony, but rewards deference. And clarity feels risky in rooms where ego is the real agenda.

What’s Really Going On?

At the root of insecure leadership is a fear of irrelevance.

These leaders don’t build teams to grow. They build teams to orbit them. They want to be included in every email, consulted on every decision, copied into every success. Not because they’re invested but because they’re afraid of being outpaced.

As Harvard Business Review and MIT Sloan have both pointed out in recent research, this behaviour leads to talent hoarding, stifled innovation, and poor psychological safety. It erodes trust from the inside out.

So What Now?

For individuals:

Don’t internalise a system that was never built to support your growth. It’s not you. It’s the design.

For organisations:

Don’t confuse retention with loyalty. Sometimes, the ones who stay are simply the ones who’ve learned how to survive the culture, not thrive in it.

For leaders:

If your team can’t take initiative without you… it might be time to ask why. For Board or Committee Members:

If your strongest feedback only reaches you through resignation letters, it’s already too late.

Oversight isn’t about endorsing reports or chairing meetings. It’s about noticing the patterns between the lines: the silence, the exits, the energy drain. Insecurity tolerated at the top is dysfunction seeded throughout the ranks. Leadership isn’t about being central. It’s about building others up and stepping aside when they’re ready to lead.

That takes confidence.

That takes security.

That takes actual leadership.