Why Some People Love Cooking And Others Don’t

Cooking is one of those activities that seems surprisingly polarising. Some people find it relaxing, creative, and deeply satisfying. Others view it as a daily chore to be completed as quickly as possible. Ask a group of friends about cooking and you will often hear strong opinions on both sides. One person spends weekends experimenting with recipes and flavours, while another would happily eat the same simple meal every day if it meant spending less time in the kitchen.

At first glance, this difference appears to be a matter of preference. Some people simply enjoy cooking while others do not. The reality is often more nuanced. The way we feel about an activity is influenced by many factors, including our upbringing, confidence, experiences, expectations, and the meaning we attach to the activity itself. Cooking just happens to provide a useful lens through which to examine a much broader question: why do some activities energise us while others drain us?

When Competence Creates Enjoyment

One observation from psychology is that enjoyment and competence are often closely connected. Many people assume they enjoy an activity first and become good at it later. In practice, the sequence frequently works in reverse. As competence develops, enjoyment often follows. A person who can confidently open a fridge, combine ingredients, recover from mistakes, and produce something enjoyable experiences cooking very differently from someone who feels uncertain every step of the way. The activity itself has not changed. The relationship with the activity has.

This helps explain why some people discover a love for cooking later in life. What once felt intimidating gradually becomes familiar. Recipes become easier to interpret. Mistakes become less consequential. Confidence grows. The kitchen shifts from a place of uncertainty to a place of possibility. The same pattern appears in many other areas of life. Public speaking often becomes more enjoyable once someone learns how to manage nerves. Exercise becomes more appealing when movements feel less awkward. Driving becomes less stressful as experience accumulates. In many cases, competence creates the conditions for enjoyment to emerge.

Why Being Good At Something Isn't Always Enough

Competence, however, does not tell the whole story.

Most people can think of activities at which they are highly capable but derive little satisfaction. A skilled accountant may not enjoy accounting. A competent manager may find managing people exhausting. A parent may become remarkably efficient at preparing meals without developing any passion for cooking. Skill and satisfaction are related, but they are not the same thing.

This is where alignment enters the picture. Alignment refers to how closely an activity connects with our interests, values, identity, goals, or lifestyle. Two people can possess identical levels of competence while experiencing completely different levels of fulfilment. One person may enjoy cooking because it allows for creativity and experimentation. Another may value the opportunity to care for family and friends through food. Someone else may appreciate the independence and self-sufficiency that cooking provides. The activity remains the same. The meaning attached to it differs.

The Competence-Alignment Matrix

One way to think about this relationship is through a simple matrix of competence and alignment.

	Low Alignment	High Alignment
High Competence	Trapped Expert You are highly capable and may even be recognised for your skill, but the activity no longer energises you. Success and satisfaction are not always the same thing.	Sweet Spot You are good at the activity and find it meaningful or enjoyable. This is where many long-term hobbies, careers, and passions flourish.
Low Competence	Misery Zone The activity feels difficult and offers little personal meaning. Most people leave this quadrant quickly unless external circumstances require them to stay.	Learning Zone The activity matters to you, but your skills are still developing. Mistakes are tolerated because the pursuit feels worthwhile. Most passions begin here.

The matrix is not intended to label people permanently. Most of us move between quadrants throughout our lives. A beginner cook may start in the Learning Zone before eventually finding themselves in the Sweet Spot. A successful professional may drift into the Trapped Expert quadrant after years of doing work they are highly competent at but no longer find meaningful. The framework simply provides a way of understanding why two people can experience the same activity so differently.

The Myth of Turning Passion Into Work

The matrix also explains why the common advice to “find something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life” often falls short. Loving an activity does not mean loving everything that surrounds it.

A person who enjoys cooking may decide to become a chef, open a café, teach cooking classes, or start a food-focused YouTube channel. The activity they enjoy remains present, but it becomes part of a much larger ecosystem. Suddenly there are suppliers to manage, customers to serve, accounts to reconcile, staff to supervise, content to produce, and marketing to handle. The cooking remains enjoyable. The surrounding responsibilities may not.

The Hidden Role of Friction

This introduces a third factor that sits outside the matrix: friction.

Sometimes the challenge is a lack of competence. Sometimes it is a lack of alignment. At other times, competence and alignment are both present, but friction emerges from the surrounding environment.

A trainer may love helping clients but dislike administration. A writer may enjoy writing but struggle with promotion. A business owner may love the service they provide while finding pricing, sales, or bookkeeping frustrating. A high performer may excel in a role and have a clear pathway towards greater responsibility, only to find their progress repeatedly constrained by a senior leader, CEO, or Board Chairman who feels threatened by change, talent, or new ideas.

In each of these situations, the activity itself may not be the source of dissatisfaction. Competence may be high. Alignment may be high. The friction originates elsewhere.

This distinction matters because different forms of friction require different responses. A lack of competence may call for learning and practice. A lack of alignment may require reflection about priorities, values, and direction. Environmental friction often requires a different approach altogether. It may involve changing systems, setting boundaries, seeking support, redesigning responsibilities, delegating certain tasks, or, in some cases, recognising that the environment itself is unlikely to change.

Treating all frustration as the same often leads people towards solutions that do not address the real issue. Someone struggling with competence may need education. Someone experiencing misalignment may need clarity. Someone facing environmental friction may need a change in circumstances rather than another attempt to adapt.

Looking Beyond Cooking

This is why the question is rarely whether someone likes cooking or dislikes cooking. The more useful question is what exactly they are responding to. Is it the activity itself? Their level of competence? Their degree of alignment? Or the friction surrounding it?

The answer often reveals far more than the activity alone.

Perhaps the reason some people love cooking and others do not has less to do with cooking itself than we imagine. Cooking simply provides a visible example of a broader truth. Much of our satisfaction in life is shaped by the intersection of competence, alignment, and friction.

Understanding where we sit within that relationship can help us make better decisions about what to learn, what to persist with, what to change, and what to let go.